When I was on my third trimester for my first child I had a lot of stuffs going on then. I was anxious about the D-Day, I was already overwhelmed by the load I was carrying and much worse we got disconnected from  power as the bills were alot for us.

It was tough and I  couldn’t stop thinking about all of these issues.  I wanted the power connected for us back as I couldn’t imagine my baby being born to a home without power (I wanted everything to be perfect), I wanted the date of the supposed birth of my baby to come real fast (I was really excited to meet him) and I just wanted to drop my load!

But what did all these worries get me?

A rise in my blood pressure, a sudden  trip to the hospital because the  baby was distressed  and Insomnia.  At this point I had to do something before things could get any worse because I couldn’t risk any more complications.  That was when I developed the short term memory mechanism and it has become one of my principles.

I made myself forget any worry as soon as it comes. Anything that disturbed my peace of mind was best forgotten.  It wasn’t worth the energy. Then I focused more on Du’a. I began to put  everything to Allaah as HE is the controller of all affairs and HE had all the answers for me. That was when I began to truly find relief.

Now that all those worries and pains  are gone- Allaah solved them at the best time and in the most beautiful manners- I look back at those times and begin to question myself.

● Why/How did I allow myself to forget Allaah, when he was indeed closer to me than my jugular veins?

● Is it just okay to know what tawakkul (reliance upon Allaah) is or to actually practice it in it’s true sense?

These questions and those events that happened made me realize that it is not enough to know that Allaah is the one whom we should rely upon always but that intentionally acting upon that knowledge is also important.  Everyday we need to learn and practice tawakkul. There would always be pains, trials, tribulations,  worries in fact there is nothing we can do about them because they are innate. It is by divine wisdom that we face trials, feel pains, have worries all so that we can call upon HIM.

It is Shaytan the devil that makes these worries seem so compounding almost leading to our destruction, he tries to make it look like it is never ending or that we can’t come out of it fine. But that is all wrong.  We can be fine, we would be fine!

Look at it this way, if we really do not have problems how would we remember to call on Allaah? We would feel too confident and powerful of ourselves and our abilities, SubhaanAllaah. This is one wisdom of these hardships which are like double blessings in disguise and it is so that we can all go back to HIM in submission calling on HIM, asking for HIS forgiveness and mercy. It is even more beautiful,  this act of asking HIM because Allaah is so pleased when we ask HIM.

What should be our attitude when bad things happen?

● Short Term  Memory: Forget it. Let it go. Leave it to the one who controls all affairs.  If we can’t do anything about it now, brooding over it wouldn’t make it better so put it aside.

● What has happened is in the past, leave it there.  Today is for work, so work hard to accomplish good today.

●Remember your Lord  and call upon HIM with the most beautiful of names, HE is truly indeed closer to you than  your jugular veins.

These above are what I am learning to practice every day for myself. To try (it can’t be too easy) every time to forget the pains, to work to make good for myself and rely on Allaah in all my affairs.  This is me now and I hope you can too.

I pray to the Lord of the universe, the mighty and majestic, the one who is oft-forgiving, most merciful all knowing, to inspire us to remember HIM when we forget, to thank HIM, to count us amongst HIS thankful slaves,  to bless us in the  best of manners and to  wrap us in HIS mercy and forgiveness.  Aameen.


The Journey Of healing

Yaay!! AlhamduliLlaah I’m finally making my first post. Please forgive my mistakes there in as I’m not perfect.

So I chose this topic because it is kind of in line with what this blog is all about- my inner reflections, my musings. As it is the first post it is going to be like an introduction to this amazing start, Ma Shaa Allaah tabaarakaLlaah Allaahumma Baarik alayhi.

You know, life happens to us and then it becomes really difficult to know if it is to live or to exist. Not all of us are actually living, some of us are just existing and it’s really something I ponder about.

Are you living or existing? What does it truly mean to live?

Maybe we would discuss more on that in further posts but today it is about healing.

Why healing? Why am I on this journey?

I began to realize all of a sudden that somethings needed to change about my life. I wanted more for myself than just being ordinary. I wanted to push myself to do amazing things (not just about this world but also the hereafter) and I felt that it should start with healing from my past and experiences, hence the journey to healing because I know that it is with healing that brings a better me. Just like when we repent, repentance begets a new life and this journey brings a better me Bi IdhniLLaah.

What is healing?

Healing, is it to cause a undesirable condition to be overcomed? Or to make sound or whole? Or to restore to original purity?

Whichever you choose as your own definition one thing remains a fact and it cuts across all forms of healing and that is everyone heals at their own pace.

Healing is gradual and has no fixed time. There is no rush. You are in control. Only you know when it’s time. You alone knows when you are ready.

I know a sister who as a child was going through a lot of stuffs. She was always in some sort of emotional pain and having no one to turn to. She narrated to me that she couldn’t remember being happy as a child or teenager and it even became tough as an adult. All those pain led to an adult who always saw herself as not good enough even to the point that she never saw herself worthy for Allaah’s blessings or forgiveness. She was hopeless.

These thoughts were from pains she never knew she needed to heal from and it was almost leading her to a point she thought would end it all- death.

Why do we often hear statements like ‘Can I just die already?’ Or ‘I am tired of this!’

I want us to know today that by Allaah’s leave we can heal. We can wake up today, tomorrow and be grateful for the gift of life, be grateful for HIS blessings and that we can have better attitude to life.

Are you on this journey too?

I am here on this journey of healing as well. I don’t have all the answers but I am going to share with you and care for you. We would bring together things that would lead us to that place- that feeling of gratitude rather than thanklessness, the feeling of worthiness rather than undeserving and so much more.

I am really excited doing this and I am hopeful that it would be the start to something of spiritual outstanding, intellectual and moral worth, in other words sublime.